So you want to find out if she wants to have sex with you? Then I present to you The Ladder (of Escalation).
#1 Open, attract and hook her into a conversation with you.
Remember, if she's talking to you, it's the only IOI you'll ever need.
I'm of course assuming here that you're a confident opener and that you are able to hook the girl you want and get into a conversation with her. At the very least she has to be paying attention to what you have to say. The ability to do this rests entirely on your own skill in attraction.
Another thing you should know is that it's not what you say, but how you act that will attract her. This is again highly governed by your state, and your ability to dance in the moment. For more on how to be in the moment, I highly recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
#2 Make her comfy with your touch.
This is an important step, and really something you want to do right off the bat - heck, even before you start speaking to her. Remember, we've only had spoken language for so long, but touch is what will make your cat purr.
Just don't be creepy. A sure way of coming off as creepy is to be too timid, but it will also be creepy if it seems forced.
#3 Go for isolation.
Get her with you either to the dance floor, or get her seated away from her friends - and yours. A mini-isolation, just taking her a few steps away from her group and facing her back at them, will also work if she's hot for you.
This is one of the most important things that you will do. However, there's a pickup maxime, "Change Her Mood, Not Her Mind!" If she doesn't want to even move a few metres with you, you'll have to see how long you want to try to get her in a better mood before you give it a second go. And if that doesn't work, you are really better off finding another girl than getting into something that at best will be one way communication, or at worst a needy attempt to pull the girl by force.
#4 Escalate into makeout.
This one is also pretty important, if you don't want the whole thing to end in a number close. If you can't see it in her eyes, it's always a safe bet to make her hot first by kissing her in the neck. So far I've never been stopped when doing this. Also, if she denies me her lips or turns away at first, I usually work her neck a little first to heat her up. This - with some teasing - usually ends in a makeout.
If she keeps denying you, it may be because she's shy or she thinks too many people are looking. Especially if you're too close to her friends, this can pose a problem. In that case: Move to a more discrete place.
Persistence is key here, but don't overdo it either. If she really doesn't want you, she'll say no, push you away or get angry. Only then is it time to stop.
#5 Don't make out for too long. Stop after a while.
If you're not at home, you shouldn't make out for too long, as the fire will die out after a while. When she's not horny anymore, the validation she got from making out with you is enough for her, so don't let that happen. Stop a little bit before it gets too comfortable, and...
#6 Take her home.
...Or wherever it is you'd like to take her.
Now, if she doesn't want to come with you at this point, don't sweat it. Sometimes you'll just have to lead her. Take her hand and lead. It honestly doesn't matter where. Soon enough you will find a private spot.
Even if you can't get her to come home with you, if you've got this far, she'll probably want to see you again anyway. So just take her number, smile, and let her walk away with her friends.
Then when you find your private spot, just undress her while you kiss.
Break a leg!
How to use The Ladder
The Ladder is only a description of a minimum of recommended steps to get you where you want to be, to get her to bed. It's not the ONLY way of getting laid, but if you've never gotten laid before, or you're having trouble getting trough the process, looking at where you are on The Ladder is a great way of understanding what you have to work with. It simply gives you hints for what you can read up on, and go out and train for. And in truth, the only thing you really need is experience - and you only get that by getting out of your house and into conversations with women where you escalate and go for close.
Remember: The Field is KING!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The Pinky Finger
A lover of min told me a story from one of her first dates. The boy who went with her was very sweet, but also inexperienced and too timid. She liked him, and decided to go on a date with him even still.
They were going to watch a film.
He was completely in awe of her, and didn't quite know what to do with his attraction for her. So when they sat down, for a long part of the film - a romantic comedy - he did nothing. But after a while his desire won over his wit. He wanted badly to touch her, but without a clear solution on how she would react, and fearful of - God forbid - rejection, he chose to sneak in on her.
Slowly he started to make his move, hoping that she wouldn't notice. He started to twist his arm ever so slowly in her direction, trying to inch in on her with his little finger - the finger closest to her.
At long last he managed to get close enough to touch her hand, but for the last inch he stopped short, wondering if it was safe to go ahead. She could feel his insecurity growing in the chair next to her, but still she didn't move, excited to know what he'd do about it.
Finally he decided to overcome his fear, and touched her hand for a brief moment. It was his moment of glory. He had made it, and completely alienated the girl in the process.
"What the fuck is he doing?" she wondered, and felt sad that he was such a wimp.
After that, she decided to never see him again. What she had seen was only a creepy guy needing badly to overcome his fear for her - the woman he felt was so much better than him that he barely dared to touch her. Silently she wished he would at least be man enough to touch her in a proper way - to take her hand into his and making her feel good by stroking it instead of making such a big deal out of it.
Overcoming his own fear like that was of course marvellous, but in the end it didn't help him much either. So don't be a wimp. Don't sneak your pinky finger into her. Instead be assertive, take control, and show her that you're man enough for her.
They were going to watch a film.
He was completely in awe of her, and didn't quite know what to do with his attraction for her. So when they sat down, for a long part of the film - a romantic comedy - he did nothing. But after a while his desire won over his wit. He wanted badly to touch her, but without a clear solution on how she would react, and fearful of - God forbid - rejection, he chose to sneak in on her.
Slowly he started to make his move, hoping that she wouldn't notice. He started to twist his arm ever so slowly in her direction, trying to inch in on her with his little finger - the finger closest to her.
At long last he managed to get close enough to touch her hand, but for the last inch he stopped short, wondering if it was safe to go ahead. She could feel his insecurity growing in the chair next to her, but still she didn't move, excited to know what he'd do about it.
Finally he decided to overcome his fear, and touched her hand for a brief moment. It was his moment of glory. He had made it, and completely alienated the girl in the process.
"What the fuck is he doing?" she wondered, and felt sad that he was such a wimp.
After that, she decided to never see him again. What she had seen was only a creepy guy needing badly to overcome his fear for her - the woman he felt was so much better than him that he barely dared to touch her. Silently she wished he would at least be man enough to touch her in a proper way - to take her hand into his and making her feel good by stroking it instead of making such a big deal out of it.
Overcoming his own fear like that was of course marvellous, but in the end it didn't help him much either. So don't be a wimp. Don't sneak your pinky finger into her. Instead be assertive, take control, and show her that you're man enough for her.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
About Beauty
Don't deny yourself beauty. It is one of the main driving forces behind your desire. It is what makes your life into a better place, and the more you focus on true beauty, the more you will surround yourself with it.
The fear of beauty
Sometimes looking at beauty is like looking at the sun. There is fear involved. But know that only by confronting it, accepting your own feelings about it, and becoming comfortable with it, can you ever win it over.
Most people do not dear to confront beauty because they secretly have a fear of loss. They actually think that they will loose beauty if they want to come closer to it, like they somehow don't deserve it.
This fear is illogical at best.
Enjoy it, or for ever let it go
If all you desire is to look at it, then look. It is after all only a fleeting moment, and you can either enjoy it then and there, or let it go - for ever. However, if you truly want it in your life, you will only get it by facing your fear and taking action.
If you feel down, or out of it, most of the time it just means that you're not aware of all the beauty that surrounds you. You may be focussing on other things, like your own desperation or how life is treating you unfairly; mainly things that make you focus inwards, when what you should really do is look around you and take in all the beauty.
I'm not just talking about beutiful women here. I'm taking a broader perspective. Everything that is good, is also beautiful. But if you want something that is good, you must also be aware of it. If you're not, and instead focussed inwards and thus uncounscous of all the beauty - how could you ever find beauty, if you don't see it?
Do not long, take action
Now, you may see beauty, and long for it. This is the first step in taking action, because what you can see, is also within your reach. Don't let your bad feeling hold you back, your sorry excuses for not daring to take on beauty head on. Only then will you be able to fully surround yourself with it. Those who long, are also those who will never have. Instead act on your desire. Confront it. Only then may you fully immerse yourself in it.
However, this is hard if you do not understand that beauty is infinite. There isn't just one flower on the meadow. There are thousands. How can you loose beauty if you loose but one flower? Sure, a loss is always sad, but there are so many others to keep you happy. When you attach yourself to just one, you also distance yourself to all the others. So always keep your options open, and don't let yourself be blinded by beauty. After all, what good is beauty if it takes away your freedom?
Commit to love, not to the moment
In terms of women, I'm not saying that you should never commit. But if you choose to do so, at least do it on the right terms - after you have taken a closer look and made a proper desicion. After all, why should you commit if it's not perfect? When there are so many others out there (and when you do not fear confrontation, you will truly have access to them all) why should you commit to the first that comes along? You may be missing out on the love of your life. But I can also tell you that love is something that blossoms slowly. You have to get to know her for this to happen, and while this is happening, commiting may leave you wanting. It would be bad for both of you.
Remember this: Beauty is not eternal. Infinite, yes, but not eternal (there are those who look for eternal beauty, and may their search be a happy one, though they may find themselvese searching for eternety as well). This is why beauty is best experienced when you're fully in the moment. Only then will you, withouth any need and by truly selflessly giving from yourself, be able to confront it and fully immerse yourself in it. When you are in essence happy, beauty will come to you no matter what.
After all, commiting to the moment is contradictory. If you truly live in the moment, all you do is to exist in happiness. Commiting isn't even a part of it. But if you find true love - whatever it may look like - committing to it may also give you great inner peace.
About uglyness
Now, how do you deal with uglyness? The things that repulse you, plainness, or the things that you simply do not find attractive?
The answer is quite easy. Accept it.
Life is too short to look at uglyness. Instead look at all the beauty around you. Take it in. Uglyness and especially plainness will always exist side by side with beauty. Without uglyness, there would be no beauty - only plainness. You wouldn't really notice it at all. But do you ever question plainness? Well, nor should you question, or even focus on, uglyness. Just accept that it is there. It is completely natural. Instead focus on the beauty, and be thankfull for it.
Best of luck
You may fail at first. But remember, beauty is infinite. There are many more, and you need not put a lot of emphasis on the first ones you encounter, because they are, after all, only training for the one true beauty that will become your eternal love.
The fear of beauty
Sometimes looking at beauty is like looking at the sun. There is fear involved. But know that only by confronting it, accepting your own feelings about it, and becoming comfortable with it, can you ever win it over.
Most people do not dear to confront beauty because they secretly have a fear of loss. They actually think that they will loose beauty if they want to come closer to it, like they somehow don't deserve it.
This fear is illogical at best.
Enjoy it, or for ever let it go
If all you desire is to look at it, then look. It is after all only a fleeting moment, and you can either enjoy it then and there, or let it go - for ever. However, if you truly want it in your life, you will only get it by facing your fear and taking action.
If you feel down, or out of it, most of the time it just means that you're not aware of all the beauty that surrounds you. You may be focussing on other things, like your own desperation or how life is treating you unfairly; mainly things that make you focus inwards, when what you should really do is look around you and take in all the beauty.
I'm not just talking about beutiful women here. I'm taking a broader perspective. Everything that is good, is also beautiful. But if you want something that is good, you must also be aware of it. If you're not, and instead focussed inwards and thus uncounscous of all the beauty - how could you ever find beauty, if you don't see it?
Do not long, take action
Now, you may see beauty, and long for it. This is the first step in taking action, because what you can see, is also within your reach. Don't let your bad feeling hold you back, your sorry excuses for not daring to take on beauty head on. Only then will you be able to fully surround yourself with it. Those who long, are also those who will never have. Instead act on your desire. Confront it. Only then may you fully immerse yourself in it.
However, this is hard if you do not understand that beauty is infinite. There isn't just one flower on the meadow. There are thousands. How can you loose beauty if you loose but one flower? Sure, a loss is always sad, but there are so many others to keep you happy. When you attach yourself to just one, you also distance yourself to all the others. So always keep your options open, and don't let yourself be blinded by beauty. After all, what good is beauty if it takes away your freedom?
Commit to love, not to the moment
In terms of women, I'm not saying that you should never commit. But if you choose to do so, at least do it on the right terms - after you have taken a closer look and made a proper desicion. After all, why should you commit if it's not perfect? When there are so many others out there (and when you do not fear confrontation, you will truly have access to them all) why should you commit to the first that comes along? You may be missing out on the love of your life. But I can also tell you that love is something that blossoms slowly. You have to get to know her for this to happen, and while this is happening, commiting may leave you wanting. It would be bad for both of you.
Remember this: Beauty is not eternal. Infinite, yes, but not eternal (there are those who look for eternal beauty, and may their search be a happy one, though they may find themselvese searching for eternety as well). This is why beauty is best experienced when you're fully in the moment. Only then will you, withouth any need and by truly selflessly giving from yourself, be able to confront it and fully immerse yourself in it. When you are in essence happy, beauty will come to you no matter what.
After all, commiting to the moment is contradictory. If you truly live in the moment, all you do is to exist in happiness. Commiting isn't even a part of it. But if you find true love - whatever it may look like - committing to it may also give you great inner peace.
About uglyness
Now, how do you deal with uglyness? The things that repulse you, plainness, or the things that you simply do not find attractive?
The answer is quite easy. Accept it.
Life is too short to look at uglyness. Instead look at all the beauty around you. Take it in. Uglyness and especially plainness will always exist side by side with beauty. Without uglyness, there would be no beauty - only plainness. You wouldn't really notice it at all. But do you ever question plainness? Well, nor should you question, or even focus on, uglyness. Just accept that it is there. It is completely natural. Instead focus on the beauty, and be thankfull for it.
Best of luck
You may fail at first. But remember, beauty is infinite. There are many more, and you need not put a lot of emphasis on the first ones you encounter, because they are, after all, only training for the one true beauty that will become your eternal love.
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