Reasons for Escalating: Part 1

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Subtlety

A great thing about escalation is that it doesn't have to mean leaning in for the kiss. Going in for a kiss is after all a very bold all-or-nothing move, and hence it's easier to get turned down. Still it can be a very powerful move when the conditions are right, though it's probably not the best move if you're in a social setting or her friends are nearby.

Luckily, if you don't feel up to it, there are ways around it, and there are ways of escalation to find out if she's ready that are much more subtle. Also, knowing that you don't have to be overt actually makes it a lot simpler to escalate.

Personally I found this out by accident back when I was a student, but also 60 Years of Challenge has explained this one particularly well. In essence, all you need to do, is find out if she likes holding hands with you. A slight touch can be enough. If she strokes or squeeses back, then she's into you, and you can safely escalate further if the situation allows it. But even if the surroundinc circumstances aren't perfect, if the hand escalation went well, she'll be much more likely to comply with other stuff also, so just invite her to come with you somewhere more private. Many say you have to lead her since that is more alpha, but I find that inviting her is even mroe powerful as it instigates a psychological effect that the Professor and researcher in Psychology, Robert Cialdini, calls Commitment and Consistency. Thus if she commits to something, she's more likely to also go trough with it. Another reason to not bother dealing with women that aren't fully into you.

The great thing about such subtle moves is that you can do it in almost any situation, and only you and her will notice. That it happens in a social setting makes it extra exciting because you have a secret together. It creates a kind of bubble for the two of you that binds you closer together. Best of all, you won't feel half as let down if she doesn't comply with your move. It's all under the radar, and you don't need to feel either hurt or disqualified about it. In fact, even if you didn't get into the warmth the first time, you still get more chances as not getting compliance on a subtle move isn't the same as being verbally turned down.

Also, flirting with her in such a hidden way tells her a very positive thing about you: That you're discrete and probably experienced. In turn that makes you safer to have casual sex with since she knows that she won't have to worry about you blurting stuff out to friends. Also, since you seem experienced, she knows that she is less likely to have a nagging and needy guy on her shoulders afterwards. Not that these things exclude the possibility of something more serious. If you want, you can still go for that, and in fact doing it makes you that much more of a good catch to her.

Next: RFE Part 2: Why Escalating Is Sexy (coming soon)

Reasons for Escalating

Introduction

Escalating is probably an even more angst-ridden act than opening, and the reason is of course that there is a real probability that you'll get turned down. But even if there is such a chance, there are still plenty of reasons to escalate.

So what is escalation good for anyway?

It might seem like there's an obvious answer to that, but there's good reason to look trough it anyway. There are in fact more than one reason to escalate.

The most obvious one is of course to turn her on and have sex. Yet this doesn't really help you when you're in a social setting. You can't usually have sex with her if you don't have a minimum of privacy.

Two other reasons to escalate is to show her your intention, and last but not least, to subtly test if she's ready for more. It's these two kinds of escalation this article is going to focus on.

A Major Caveat

Before we start, a major caveat. This article is about how to be sexy while escalating, not rape. The goal of the article is to teach you how to escalate in a respectful way. It assumes that you manage to do so, and that you do accept no for an answer. While being bold and direct is very sexy, being needy, intrusive or even violent isn't. If she gets angry or pushes you physically away, you're doing something wrong. Then please stop before you hurt someone.

On the other hand, many men are affraid that they will take things too far, and while it is a real concern, take comfort in that women will let you know if you do something wrong. Thus, if she's not angry or resisting you physically, then you are most likely free to escalate further. A good example is the woman asking you stuff like "What are you doing?" while smiling, or telling you stuff like "We shouldn't be doing this" while still groping you and being seductive. In that case, simply agree, but continue the escalation.

Next: RFE Part 1: Subtlety

Statistics: How to pinpoint your sticking points and get better

It's important to continuously check your progress when trying to get better at picking up women as progress isn't something that happens over night. But in order to get an idea of where things are going, you need to gather statistics on what you do in the field, on both what you master and where you fail.

Here's a list of things you may want to follow up, and why:

• Open: This one is pretty self evident. If you don't open, you've got a serious learning disability. Ways of getting around this one is reading up on conquering AA or how to give yourself motivation.
• Hook : Did you hook the set (did they at least for a time become positive towards you)? If you don't get these, you're probably doing something wrong when you open.
• Rejection: Were you turned down aggressively or easy? Or did they just ignore you? Depending on how this went down, it could indicate that you're having a problem with delivery, or even ploughing and persistence (staying in the set no matter what). In most cases it's better to be turned down firmly rather than giving up.
• Ejection: Don't tell me you dumped them? Why did you leave? Maybe you should work on getting more persistent. Not that you should stay in a set for hours, but that you push more for close - or even rejection, as a rejection is at least a sign that you are making mistakes, and if you are making mistakes, you are also learning, and learning is progress.
  
• Pull: Did you pull the girl(s) anywhere? Your ability to pull, to isolate or extract is very important to get the girl into a more private, comfy and therefore more intimate situation.
• Escalation: Did you try to escalate? How soon? Subtly or agressively? Only kino or did you try to kiss her? If you don't escalate, you won't get anything more than numbercloses. And speaking of...
• Close: Did you number close? Did you kiss close? Did you fclose? If you didn't, it could be a clear sign that you've got a closing sticky.

Now these are just suggestions on what you can follow up upon. If nothing else, use it for motivation. My friend COCPORN made a system where you get XP for opens and closes and made it into a game on the Internet. You get a little XP for an open and 250XP for an fclose (the Holy Grail of pickup). So if you're a World of Warcraft addict, this may be the thing that saves you and gets you back to real life. :p

Make a note of each time you get one of these and how it went, and then add them up when you've got some data on it, say after a couple of months to track progress. It's also nice to have a quick look at the data each week for motivation. Always try to beat last week's score. Add upp the data, visualize it in any way you want. Track open to close ratio. Behold, you now have a powerful tool to pinpoint your sticking points.

Statistics aren't for looking at isolated incidents, but for finding a pattern, or finding a trend. Therefore you shouldn't look at single happenings. Stop obsessing over that one time. Instead look for the trend of things. For example, if you eject 10 out of 15 times, you have a problem with too early ejection. The fix? Persistence and ploughing, and not least ability to go for close. It's in fact better to get rejected than to eject, as a rejection is a sign that you've used up all your tricks, and that you may have to learn some new ones to get the success you want (or even unlearn some bad habits).

Happy hunting!

Mission: Become the Charming Guy

Ever seen a truly charming guy? What was he like? How did he do with women?

Being charming is a role you can enter, if you're not already charming by nature. It doesn't mean you'll have to be nice. A charming guy isn't necessarily nice. He's charming! He's probably quite happy teasing you, smiling a lot, poking a bit of fun at you, but all in good nature. A charming guy is simply someone who makes you happy by being slightly assertive, but not necessarily by being overly nice of polite. He's also social and likes to get to know new people, and since he displays a warm and charming smile when approaching, everybody instantly opens up to him.

This charming guy is easy to like. Therefore women will easily accompany you on the dancefloor, or even go outside with you for a breath for fresh air (or whatever it is people do outside nowadays).

Simply put: A charming guy gets into many more situations where it's possible to escalate, either to a makeout, or all the way to sex, than the average joe.

He's fun, and he's a challenge - that's why he's charming. And he's easy to model because most people know how a charming guy is like.

So... Do you think you could be a charming guy for a day? I'm sure you can! In fact I think you should try it out for at least two days, say for Friday and Saturday night, and then come back and tell me how it went.

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I hereby declare that I (insert nick or name here) will become, or at least model, a charming guy for at least two days, preferably Friday and Saturday night while I'm out meeting people. Upon aggreeing with this, I also declare that I will come back and tell you about my experiencem and how it went being a charming guy.

Isolation Drillcamp

Player...SHUN! (Stand at ATTENTION when your drill seargent is speaking to you!)

I hear you faggots aren't isolating anymore... I hear some of you complain that you never HOOK or you've got double A... Hell, I even hear some of you say that you are too SMOOTH for that... Well I'll tell you the only thing smooth about that is the CRACK up your ASS!

When you have opened, and IF you loosers even hook, YOU... WILL... ISOLATE! Heck, even if you DON'T hook, you WILL isolate! Go... for... i-so-lation! ALWAYS! No excuses!

I don't give a rats ass if you faggots don't know what you have to do AFTER you isolate, as long as you ISOLATE! I don't give a fuck if you girls are too afraid to even open, as long as you ISOLATE! And if you shitheads don't hook when you isolate, well, then TRY AGAIN until you make it or GET rejected!

You have TWO days to complete this task (that should be more than enough for your weekend leave), and if I hear you sacks of SHIT haven't isolated during the time alotted, you get ONE WEEK in the brig!

This is no bloody ISOLATION VACATION, you scumbags! Now get your asses out there and ISOLATE!

DISMISSED!

Oh.. And please leave a report about how it went at the HQ (yeah in the comments, dumbass).

* You isolate your target (i.e. the girl you want) by bringing her away from the set (i.e her friends) after you open. There are many ways to do this. In most cases you will want to bring her a short distance away from the set, and have her back turned to them so that she can't readily communicate with them (e.g. trough eye coding). When she can't see them, there is less social pressure on her, and thus she can become more "private" with you.

You may also bring her to an adjacent table, or to a dark corner to make out or to "show her something" (usually something comfort relatet like The Cube - but me, I just go for close). And yet another popular way to isolate is to "go out for some fresh air". If you get her that far, though, you might as well go for extraction (i.e. bring her home, or whatever).

* You "hook" the set when you get their attention and they listen readily to what you have to say. You actually don't need to hook before you isolate. The act of isolation may in fact be your hook point. If you wonder about this one, read my other article about The Only IOI You Will Ever Need.

* Double A, AA = Approach Anxiety, i.e. a totally illogical uneasyness. The cure? Just have fun and mingle.

The Only IOI You Will Ever Need

If the girl still stands there listening to you after you've done whatever you've done, it means she loves you. In my humble opinion you don't need to pay attention to any other IOI's.

1. If the girl still stands there after you hook her: Kiss or isolate her.
2. If the girl still stands there after you isolate her: Kiss her!
3. If the girl still stands there after you kiss her: Take her with you.
4. If the girl comes with you - she will follow you wherever you lead, so then, make her come.

If there is one or some of these points you can't get past, then do some research and try again with a new girl.

Glory is only for those who dare!

She doesn't have to actually say or do anything, as long as she's attentive. That is the only IOI you'll ever need, and the only one I look for. Now if she smiles, or does a twirly-wirly in her hair, or touches me back - well, that's a nice bonus. But why should I care? It's only closing that will get her back to my place anyway.

This thing is thoroughly tested and really works. If she still stands there listening to you after you've done your thing - she is ready for escalation. It is actually mindboggeling how fast you can escalate with this in mind. You can get away with a pull in minutes or seconds this way. In fact, the only thing that can possibly mess up this thing, is hesitation.

Just go by the numbers, step by step. So, you've presented yourself. Well, then it's time to (1 and 2) kiss or isolate (depending on if isolation is really nescessary). Now, kissing is really boring in the long run, so what you really want is to (3) extract her. And if she's OK with that, then (4) go for glory.

My frame is that of experimentation. I want to see how far I can get before I get rejected. So if I do, I know exactly what I need to work on until I meet the next girl.

Often she will shit-test when you come onto her very fast. Mostly, however, she will be thoroughly impressed by your balls. I don't see how you can be more direct and unapologetic than this.

BTW, here's another note: If she "stands there" with her back turned to you... Well, that isn't going to do you much good, is it?

And somebody asked about kino? Well, kino's actually optional. But without kino chances are you won't close either. :p Unless you only go for a numberclose - which is totally fine! Please do go for numberclose! Don't forget that number! Actually, do it as early as possible, so that if you loose her, or whatever, you can call her back so that you can get rejected a second time.

People who say they don't go for numberclose are LAME!

* The term IOI stands for "Indicator of Interest" and comes from the Pick-Up community, popularized in the book The Game by Neil Strauss.

The Art of Trial vs. Needyness

I had a very interresting discussion with a friend lately about what makes pickup work or not.

I noticed that when I was just experimenting with what I could get away with, I got a lot better results than when I needed to get somewhere specific with a girl.

Whenever I started to need the girl, I would loose her - just like that. I could even start out experimenting, but then I'd fall for her - because of her smell, or the way she looked - and the moment this happened, she would walk off or push me away and I ended up with yet another rejection (which is good, by the way, since you only learn by going for close).

But when I was only experimenting, when I just wanted to see where things might lead me, I would get away with it.

The conversaton could go like this: I open her, and hook. Since she's still standing there, I'm assuming that she is in love with me, but just standing there gets old quickly, so I want to see if she will let me isolate her. Good. That was no problem, so we get seated and talk some more. Then talking becomes boring, and I start wondering if she would let me kiss her. So I try, and "Oh Glory" it works! But making out also gets boring. Really, it does! At least when you do it often enough. So I start to wonder if she would like to come with me, either home - hehe - or even to the toilet. Well, the only way I will find out, is by testing, so I get up, and reach out my hand to her. And lo and behold, she grabs my hand, and we're off.

When you need a woman, she will notice and back away. Why should they waste time on someone who can't take care of them, and only wishes to use them? This is the reason women don't respond well to needy men, ironic as it may seem.

Now, when you're just testing, and trying to see where a certain move might lead you, the only need you have is to learn. You don't need the woman - not in a direct way, since all you wish to do is learn more, about her, about yourself and what you're capable of, and of life and the art of pickup. You don't need her spesifically, since there are literally millions of other women you can run this test on - and that is also why i think they respond well to it. They can feel the abundance you have, and know that they had better come with you, or you will leave with someone else.