Reasons for Escalating: Part 1

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Subtlety

A great thing about escalation is that it doesn't have to mean leaning in for the kiss. Going in for a kiss is after all a very bold all-or-nothing move, and hence it's easier to get turned down. Still it can be a very powerful move when the conditions are right, though it's probably not the best move if you're in a social setting or her friends are nearby.

Luckily, if you don't feel up to it, there are ways around it, and there are ways of escalation to find out if she's ready that are much more subtle. Also, knowing that you don't have to be overt actually makes it a lot simpler to escalate.

Personally I found this out by accident back when I was a student, but also 60 Years of Challenge has explained this one particularly well. In essence, all you need to do, is find out if she likes holding hands with you. A slight touch can be enough. If she strokes or squeeses back, then she's into you, and you can safely escalate further if the situation allows it. But even if the surroundinc circumstances aren't perfect, if the hand escalation went well, she'll be much more likely to comply with other stuff also, so just invite her to come with you somewhere more private. Many say you have to lead her since that is more alpha, but I find that inviting her is even mroe powerful as it instigates a psychological effect that the Professor and researcher in Psychology, Robert Cialdini, calls Commitment and Consistency. Thus if she commits to something, she's more likely to also go trough with it. Another reason to not bother dealing with women that aren't fully into you.

The great thing about such subtle moves is that you can do it in almost any situation, and only you and her will notice. That it happens in a social setting makes it extra exciting because you have a secret together. It creates a kind of bubble for the two of you that binds you closer together. Best of all, you won't feel half as let down if she doesn't comply with your move. It's all under the radar, and you don't need to feel either hurt or disqualified about it. In fact, even if you didn't get into the warmth the first time, you still get more chances as not getting compliance on a subtle move isn't the same as being verbally turned down.

Also, flirting with her in such a hidden way tells her a very positive thing about you: That you're discrete and probably experienced. In turn that makes you safer to have casual sex with since she knows that she won't have to worry about you blurting stuff out to friends. Also, since you seem experienced, she knows that she is less likely to have a nagging and needy guy on her shoulders afterwards. Not that these things exclude the possibility of something more serious. If you want, you can still go for that, and in fact doing it makes you that much more of a good catch to her.

Next: RFE Part 2: Why Escalating Is Sexy (coming soon)

Reasons for Escalating

Introduction

Escalating is probably an even more angst-ridden act than opening, and the reason is of course that there is a real probability that you'll get turned down. But even if there is such a chance, there are still plenty of reasons to escalate.

So what is escalation good for anyway?

It might seem like there's an obvious answer to that, but there's good reason to look trough it anyway. There are in fact more than one reason to escalate.

The most obvious one is of course to turn her on and have sex. Yet this doesn't really help you when you're in a social setting. You can't usually have sex with her if you don't have a minimum of privacy.

Two other reasons to escalate is to show her your intention, and last but not least, to subtly test if she's ready for more. It's these two kinds of escalation this article is going to focus on.

A Major Caveat

Before we start, a major caveat. This article is about how to be sexy while escalating, not rape. The goal of the article is to teach you how to escalate in a respectful way. It assumes that you manage to do so, and that you do accept no for an answer. While being bold and direct is very sexy, being needy, intrusive or even violent isn't. If she gets angry or pushes you physically away, you're doing something wrong. Then please stop before you hurt someone.

On the other hand, many men are affraid that they will take things too far, and while it is a real concern, take comfort in that women will let you know if you do something wrong. Thus, if she's not angry or resisting you physically, then you are most likely free to escalate further. A good example is the woman asking you stuff like "What are you doing?" while smiling, or telling you stuff like "We shouldn't be doing this" while still groping you and being seductive. In that case, simply agree, but continue the escalation.

Next: RFE Part 1: Subtlety

Statistics: How to pinpoint your sticking points and get better

It's important to continuously check your progress when trying to get better at picking up women as progress isn't something that happens over night. But in order to get an idea of where things are going, you need to gather statistics on what you do in the field, on both what you master and where you fail.

Here's a list of things you may want to follow up, and why:

• Open: This one is pretty self evident. If you don't open, you've got a serious learning disability. Ways of getting around this one is reading up on conquering AA or how to give yourself motivation.
• Hook : Did you hook the set (did they at least for a time become positive towards you)? If you don't get these, you're probably doing something wrong when you open.
• Rejection: Were you turned down aggressively or easy? Or did they just ignore you? Depending on how this went down, it could indicate that you're having a problem with delivery, or even ploughing and persistence (staying in the set no matter what). In most cases it's better to be turned down firmly rather than giving up.
• Ejection: Don't tell me you dumped them? Why did you leave? Maybe you should work on getting more persistent. Not that you should stay in a set for hours, but that you push more for close - or even rejection, as a rejection is at least a sign that you are making mistakes, and if you are making mistakes, you are also learning, and learning is progress.
  
• Pull: Did you pull the girl(s) anywhere? Your ability to pull, to isolate or extract is very important to get the girl into a more private, comfy and therefore more intimate situation.
• Escalation: Did you try to escalate? How soon? Subtly or agressively? Only kino or did you try to kiss her? If you don't escalate, you won't get anything more than numbercloses. And speaking of...
• Close: Did you number close? Did you kiss close? Did you fclose? If you didn't, it could be a clear sign that you've got a closing sticky.

Now these are just suggestions on what you can follow up upon. If nothing else, use it for motivation. My friend COCPORN made a system where you get XP for opens and closes and made it into a game on the Internet. You get a little XP for an open and 250XP for an fclose (the Holy Grail of pickup). So if you're a World of Warcraft addict, this may be the thing that saves you and gets you back to real life. :p

Make a note of each time you get one of these and how it went, and then add them up when you've got some data on it, say after a couple of months to track progress. It's also nice to have a quick look at the data each week for motivation. Always try to beat last week's score. Add upp the data, visualize it in any way you want. Track open to close ratio. Behold, you now have a powerful tool to pinpoint your sticking points.

Statistics aren't for looking at isolated incidents, but for finding a pattern, or finding a trend. Therefore you shouldn't look at single happenings. Stop obsessing over that one time. Instead look for the trend of things. For example, if you eject 10 out of 15 times, you have a problem with too early ejection. The fix? Persistence and ploughing, and not least ability to go for close. It's in fact better to get rejected than to eject, as a rejection is a sign that you've used up all your tricks, and that you may have to learn some new ones to get the success you want (or even unlearn some bad habits).

Happy hunting!