Reasons for Escalating: Part 1

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Subtlety

A great thing about escalation is that it doesn't have to mean leaning in for the kiss. Going in for a kiss is after all a very bold all-or-nothing move, and hence it's easier to get turned down. Still it can be a very powerful move when the conditions are right, though it's probably not the best move if you're in a social setting or her friends are nearby.

Luckily, if you don't feel up to it, there are ways around it, and there are ways of escalation to find out if she's ready that are much more subtle. Also, knowing that you don't have to be overt actually makes it a lot simpler to escalate.

Personally I found this out by accident back when I was a student, but also 60 Years of Challenge has explained this one particularly well. In essence, all you need to do, is find out if she likes holding hands with you. A slight touch can be enough. If she strokes or squeeses back, then she's into you, and you can safely escalate further if the situation allows it. But even if the surroundinc circumstances aren't perfect, if the hand escalation went well, she'll be much more likely to comply with other stuff also, so just invite her to come with you somewhere more private. Many say you have to lead her since that is more alpha, but I find that inviting her is even mroe powerful as it instigates a psychological effect that the Professor and researcher in Psychology, Robert Cialdini, calls Commitment and Consistency. Thus if she commits to something, she's more likely to also go trough with it. Another reason to not bother dealing with women that aren't fully into you.

The great thing about such subtle moves is that you can do it in almost any situation, and only you and her will notice. That it happens in a social setting makes it extra exciting because you have a secret together. It creates a kind of bubble for the two of you that binds you closer together. Best of all, you won't feel half as let down if she doesn't comply with your move. It's all under the radar, and you don't need to feel either hurt or disqualified about it. In fact, even if you didn't get into the warmth the first time, you still get more chances as not getting compliance on a subtle move isn't the same as being verbally turned down.

Also, flirting with her in such a hidden way tells her a very positive thing about you: That you're discrete and probably experienced. In turn that makes you safer to have casual sex with since she knows that she won't have to worry about you blurting stuff out to friends. Also, since you seem experienced, she knows that she is less likely to have a nagging and needy guy on her shoulders afterwards. Not that these things exclude the possibility of something more serious. If you want, you can still go for that, and in fact doing it makes you that much more of a good catch to her.

Next: RFE Part 2: Why Escalating Is Sexy (coming soon)

Reasons for Escalating

Introduction

Escalating is probably an even more angst-ridden act than opening, and the reason is of course that there is a real probability that you'll get turned down. But even if there is such a chance, there are still plenty of reasons to escalate.

So what is escalation good for anyway?

It might seem like there's an obvious answer to that, but there's good reason to look trough it anyway. There are in fact more than one reason to escalate.

The most obvious one is of course to turn her on and have sex. Yet this doesn't really help you when you're in a social setting. You can't usually have sex with her if you don't have a minimum of privacy.

Two other reasons to escalate is to show her your intention, and last but not least, to subtly test if she's ready for more. It's these two kinds of escalation this article is going to focus on.

A Major Caveat

Before we start, a major caveat. This article is about how to be sexy while escalating, not rape. The goal of the article is to teach you how to escalate in a respectful way. It assumes that you manage to do so, and that you do accept no for an answer. While being bold and direct is very sexy, being needy, intrusive or even violent isn't. If she gets angry or pushes you physically away, you're doing something wrong. Then please stop before you hurt someone.

On the other hand, many men are affraid that they will take things too far, and while it is a real concern, take comfort in that women will let you know if you do something wrong. Thus, if she's not angry or resisting you physically, then you are most likely free to escalate further. A good example is the woman asking you stuff like "What are you doing?" while smiling, or telling you stuff like "We shouldn't be doing this" while still groping you and being seductive. In that case, simply agree, but continue the escalation.

Next: RFE Part 1: Subtlety

Human Alphaness: The Most Misunderstood Topic in PU

A human alpha is liked, looked up to and trusted by his group (and often also outside his group). He did not get his status by using brute force. He got it by being dependable, thrustworthy and wise (and sometimes clever and insidious).

News flash: A human alpha does not have to be the actual leader of the group.

He does not need to be the strongest man. He only needs to be strong enough to be respected. His real power comes trough his social proof and his ability to lead other men, and he is only granted this power because he is trusted and liked. He's got such charisma because he takes care of other people by making them feel special and safe - but never in a validation seeking or qualifying way. He's also got this trust because his group know he will (most likely) remain calm and make the right decision when a crisis strikes, and solve potential conflicts withouth having to use violence.

Simply put, the alpha provides security and stability to his group. In turn he gets an elevated status along with certain perks, for instance not having to pursue women because of his enormous respect and social proof from other people.

Now, alphaness isn't a fixed term. A group may have several alpha candidates, and they will gladly step up and take over if the premiere alpha somehow fails. But the most successful groups are the ones where several alphas cooperate for the greater good (though, with the caveat of divide and conquer).

In any case, if you can provide security and stability, you also provide a perfect environment to raise children, and thus women will chase you. Having good genes and a great body isn't enough in the long run, although such traits are also coveted by women, and thus it may lead to infideliy. If you are a young champion, you may not need to be established in the group, but in order for women to want to invest in you, you still need to show a great deal of alpha behaviour, like security, dependability and social savvy (this includes sexual confidence, and the ability to calmly comunicate your fetishes to her). Being a good candidate for an alpha position is enough to get female attention.

Knowing your weaknesses isn't being beta. It's a sign of strenght. Even alphas aren't perfect and sometimes submit to insecurity, but alphas usually snap out of such behaviour quickly because they are aware of how destructive it is.

A true beta, or maybe theta, is insecure, validation seeking and shows supplicating behaviour because he lacks experience or self respect - or maybe both - and he may not even be aware of those weaknesses. Betas are also dangerous in that they can be strong, but being insecure they constantly need to show off their strength and bully others in order to feel good about themselves, if they don't just submit completely and hold the heads as low as possible as to avoid any conflict.

Such behaviour does not entail trust, nor security or stability, and the result is often conflict and sometimes even death. This is why the alpha always have the moral upper hand when fighting a beta. Even if he loses, the group (led by the alpha candidates) will gather around him and fight the oppression. Cowardly betas, on the other hand, are often liked by stronger men, as they are easily moulded into lackeys and followers (even thought they cannot be trusted to do anything demanding).

Thus, the best way to work on becoming more alpha, is to fight your own insecurity (getting healthy and working out is usually the best first step here), learn about self respect and social norms and work on making others feel good without supplicating or qualifying. Then you can know that your work will be rewarded with esteem, tons of social proof and eventually women that chase you without you having to make the slightest effort to do any PU.

Wing Rules

Here is a question I get a lot:

"What to do when your friend buts in on the women you're talking to?"

The answer is really quite simple. Talk to your friend about it, preferably before you go out and when you're both sober.

Here's what I'd do, step by step:

1. Tell him what you do not like
2. Tell him about the behaviour you want
3. Tell him what benefits he can expect back
4. Make sure you come to an aggreement

If the same behavour still ensues, then just dump him. Simply do not contact him again. Or at least don't go out with him.

Another good idea is to have some common rules. Your wing don't even have to know about PU, as long as you aggree about expected behavour in the field.

Some simple wing rules

§1 If something is unclear, just ask.

It's always good to be discrete, though, and thus whispering is a good idea. Not only does it keep the interaction discrete, but it will trigger intrest from the women. Girls are after all suckers for mystery, so this is actually a good way of creating attraction. Keep it short, though. "Who's your target?" is enough.

§2 The one who opens the set, owns the set.

This doesn't mean that you can run around and open all the sets in a room and "own" them. You only own a set you invest in. Still, there should be room for you going to the loo or to the bar. It's not cool to come back and see your wing has taken over your target. However if you're going away for longer, expect the set to become free-for-all unless you clearly say you want a particular girl.

§3 Accept rejection.

If you're clearly rejected, be prepared for the girl going for another man, or even your wing. Accept it. This is not the same as your wing butting in or taking over.

§4 Do not bother your wing.

The most important rule of all. If your wing is one-on-one with a girl, do not bother him. In fact it's probably better to just steer clear of him, maybe except if you see an obstacle, like a cockblock, clearly butting in. Even then it's polite to wait until you're invited into the set.

§5 Even if he's making a fool of himself.

Sometimes it may seem like your wing is making a fool of himself. Let him. It's a learning experience. Just enjoy the show and wait to talk about it until you're home. The only exception is if he's about to get his head kicked in. Then you should of course go get him.

§6 Wait to be included.

If the set is small, it's always polite for the wing not to barge in, and wait to be included into the set.

§7 Talk to obstacles, not your wing's target.

Even if you're included into a set, focus on other people than your wing's target. If you babble away at your wing's target, you're just belittling him. Remember, he invited you to take care of obstacles, and not to become one yourself. Keep it short. Introduce yourself, and find someone else to talk to - preferably an obstacle to your wing.

§8 Good behaviour.

Good wing behaviour is about amping up social proof. You do this by being cool to your friends. Smile and pat your friend on the back if he's one-on-one with a girl, but don't stay. If you're on your way to the bar, ask if he want's a drink.

This is all good behaviour that shows the girl he's talking to that he's got really good friends, thus amping his social proof. Don't worry about seeming beta while doing it. He'll pay back the favour.

§9 Forget about "Accomplishment Intros".

If you're inviting a wing into your set, forget about "Accomplishment Intros" and other bullshit. Usually stuff like that is construed as bragging, or even worse as subtle tooling. Keep it short and humble. Simply tell your set that he's a good friend of yours, and present him to everyone like any normal and polite person would.

Usually it's better to be a normal and even little humble, than acting up and trying to impress people. While you're at it, forget about DHV's too. Instead focus on what you like and want. Take pride in who you are and be confident that you're already good enough.

§10 Don't talk about PU.

This is not a strict rule, but since PU analysis in the field can really kill state, it should be avoided like the plague unless it's just general conversation. Instead focus on having fun.

Caveat

The important thing here is not to follow these exact rules, but to talk to your wing and come to an aggreement about expected behaviour in the field. Sometimes you have to make compromises, but if your friend's behaviour bother you, and he has no plans of coming to an aggreement with you, then he's probably not much worth keeping either.

If you have wildly diverging views upon field behaviour, it's not cool and it will most likely end with one or both of you getting irritated. The worst case scenario is that you end up as enemies, or end up giving or receiving a beating for being an ass.

Nexting A Girl Is Nexting Yourself

Nexting a girl is really nexting yourself.

No doubt, if the girl is rude or annoying, sure, just next her. But too many times guys next women they are unsure of just bacause they're afraid of rejection. Instead of taking it all the way to check if she's really interested, they next her or eject prematurely from the set to save their fragile egos. What they don't realise is that they just rejected themselves.

If the girl hasn't yet rejected you, it's better to stay in there and find out if she really likes you. Nexting her is simply a mechanism to circumvent fear of rejection in lieu of taking action. In effect you're tricking the brain to think that you're taking action, but instead you're just fooling yourself.

To highlight what you're missing out on when you prematurely next a girl, it's possible to use something called Game Theory (not to be confused with "having game" or even "pickup"). It's a huge and complicated field, but don't worry, I'll keep it real simple.

I assume the goal of your interaction with the girl is that you want to score with her, aka fclose, aka have sex with her. In order to get where you want, it's often good to have a clear strategy, and finding the best strategy is what Game Theory excels at.

So, now that we know what you want (your goal, i.e. sex), we can put any action that is supposed to lead to the goal into a simple consequence oriented matrix. I won't draw it up for you this time, but you can draw it up for almost any goal. It's great for finding the best possible strategy to get whatever you want by analyzing the consequences of your action compared to your opponent's.

Now, let's get started. If you draw this up, you'll see that you have a couple of actions before you. Most likely she will do nothing, as women are women, and they expect the man to act. That leaves the desicion to you, and to get to your goal, you have two options:

1. To hang in there and find out if she's interested or not
2. To next her and save yourself the embarrasment

What's the one action that is most likely to lead to your goal (i.e. sex)? Sure, there is a risk that she will reject you if you stay in there. Probably it will hurt a bit too, but you're in this to learn, so no matter what you'll at least get something out of it. However if you next her, you'll just never know. You'll probably feel better about it, but in reality you have fooled yourself. Worst of all, you are hiding the fact that you're really a coward behind "taking action", that you're taking action to next her.

So to get to your goal, you at least have to give your goal a chance by accepting risk. And if it's any consolation, if you hang in there and escalate, you'll at least not be a coward. The great part, however, is that women think escalation is very sexy, and to a degree also persistence. It's ingrained in them to think in this way because it simply shows a winning attitude. That is also why women frown so much upon men that don't call them back. Most of the time it's because the men are afraid of rejection, and well, if they're afraid of rejection, the women reason, they must be losers.

Thus, if you haven't yet been rejected, or you're unsure of the girl, then hang in there. Tease her mercilessly and escalate until you get a clear answer, lest you be a coward.

Happy hunting!

* Nexting: The act of moving on from a girl, or ejecting from a set with a girl and opening another. In effect it's an equivalent to ditching a girl. It's totally OK to next women who are rude or waste your time, but too many guys use nexting as an excuse to save their egos for fear of rejection.

Statistics: How to pinpoint your sticking points and get better

It's important to continuously check your progress when trying to get better at picking up women as progress isn't something that happens over night. But in order to get an idea of where things are going, you need to gather statistics on what you do in the field, on both what you master and where you fail.

Here's a list of things you may want to follow up, and why:

• Open: This one is pretty self evident. If you don't open, you've got a serious learning disability. Ways of getting around this one is reading up on conquering AA or how to give yourself motivation.
• Hook : Did you hook the set (did they at least for a time become positive towards you)? If you don't get these, you're probably doing something wrong when you open.
• Rejection: Were you turned down aggressively or easy? Or did they just ignore you? Depending on how this went down, it could indicate that you're having a problem with delivery, or even ploughing and persistence (staying in the set no matter what). In most cases it's better to be turned down firmly rather than giving up.
• Ejection: Don't tell me you dumped them? Why did you leave? Maybe you should work on getting more persistent. Not that you should stay in a set for hours, but that you push more for close - or even rejection, as a rejection is at least a sign that you are making mistakes, and if you are making mistakes, you are also learning, and learning is progress.
  
• Pull: Did you pull the girl(s) anywhere? Your ability to pull, to isolate or extract is very important to get the girl into a more private, comfy and therefore more intimate situation.
• Escalation: Did you try to escalate? How soon? Subtly or agressively? Only kino or did you try to kiss her? If you don't escalate, you won't get anything more than numbercloses. And speaking of...
• Close: Did you number close? Did you kiss close? Did you fclose? If you didn't, it could be a clear sign that you've got a closing sticky.

Now these are just suggestions on what you can follow up upon. If nothing else, use it for motivation. My friend COCPORN made a system where you get XP for opens and closes and made it into a game on the Internet. You get a little XP for an open and 250XP for an fclose (the Holy Grail of pickup). So if you're a World of Warcraft addict, this may be the thing that saves you and gets you back to real life. :p

Make a note of each time you get one of these and how it went, and then add them up when you've got some data on it, say after a couple of months to track progress. It's also nice to have a quick look at the data each week for motivation. Always try to beat last week's score. Add upp the data, visualize it in any way you want. Track open to close ratio. Behold, you now have a powerful tool to pinpoint your sticking points.

Statistics aren't for looking at isolated incidents, but for finding a pattern, or finding a trend. Therefore you shouldn't look at single happenings. Stop obsessing over that one time. Instead look for the trend of things. For example, if you eject 10 out of 15 times, you have a problem with too early ejection. The fix? Persistence and ploughing, and not least ability to go for close. It's in fact better to get rejected than to eject, as a rejection is a sign that you've used up all your tricks, and that you may have to learn some new ones to get the success you want (or even unlearn some bad habits).

Happy hunting!

Mission: Become the Charming Guy

Ever seen a truly charming guy? What was he like? How did he do with women?

Being charming is a role you can enter, if you're not already charming by nature. It doesn't mean you'll have to be nice. A charming guy isn't necessarily nice. He's charming! He's probably quite happy teasing you, smiling a lot, poking a bit of fun at you, but all in good nature. A charming guy is simply someone who makes you happy by being slightly assertive, but not necessarily by being overly nice of polite. He's also social and likes to get to know new people, and since he displays a warm and charming smile when approaching, everybody instantly opens up to him.

This charming guy is easy to like. Therefore women will easily accompany you on the dancefloor, or even go outside with you for a breath for fresh air (or whatever it is people do outside nowadays).

Simply put: A charming guy gets into many more situations where it's possible to escalate, either to a makeout, or all the way to sex, than the average joe.

He's fun, and he's a challenge - that's why he's charming. And he's easy to model because most people know how a charming guy is like.

So... Do you think you could be a charming guy for a day? I'm sure you can! In fact I think you should try it out for at least two days, say for Friday and Saturday night, and then come back and tell me how it went.

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I hereby declare that I (insert nick or name here) will become, or at least model, a charming guy for at least two days, preferably Friday and Saturday night while I'm out meeting people. Upon aggreeing with this, I also declare that I will come back and tell you about my experiencem and how it went being a charming guy.